im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
