i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
