His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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