I think I died a long time ago.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
