So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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