You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
