I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
