I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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