no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
