a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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