after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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