I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
