I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
