sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
