I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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