so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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