at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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