Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
