you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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