All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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