are you still at the devil's house?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
