Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
