I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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