i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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