Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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