Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
