So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
