he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
only you would photoshop your dick
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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