everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
