I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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