new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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