its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
