Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
