Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.

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(916): View more from California

I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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(815): View more from Illinois

This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.

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(845): View more from New York

its like an ocean threw up right in your lap

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(970): View more from Colorado

Oh. He liked you.

(970): View more from Colorado

Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?

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