Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
