Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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