i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
