you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
