Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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