I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
