Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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