piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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