she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
