why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
