You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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