sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
