God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
