Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
