apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
