I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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