on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
