his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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