I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
