i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
